My Story Before Creatrix®
In February last year my husband found me crying on my bed and he pressed me to say what was wrong. "I loathe myself" was all I could manage at that moment but later that day I put it all down on paper. It covers two pages of my diary, a string of guilt, not good enough, fears, and frustration. I'll quote some of it...
"My emotions are too close to the surface, why do I have to cry about everything. I feel everyone is judging me on the way I dress, keep my house and the behaviour of my children. I feel really guilty when my house isn't tidy, I am so quickly cranky with the kids, I spend money on courses to follow my dream and I don't do anything with it, I procrastinate, I want to do something I am passionate about but I'm too scared to make the step away from what is 'safe', I'll never get a business really off the ground, I just sabotage everything that I start. I think I have good ideas but I never follow through, then I feel everyone will just laugh and say yeah... here is another one of Martina's ideas that come to absolutely nothing. I am always making excuses for not succeeding, I am constantly 'too tired' and totally lack energy to be a mum let alone anything else. I never get anything done, making arrangements always feels too hard. I am so disappointed in myself, in my body, in my habits and my good intentions - they are never followed very long with good actions. I want to eat healthy but I just end up doing what is easy and cheap and I know I'm not helping myself at all.
My head is always full, I feel totally overwhelmed, my mind doesn't stop. I haven't had a good laugh in years or a good sleep! I never feel refreshed when I wake up, I feel like I am running on someone else's timetable and I know my self-talk is negative and unhealthy but it is just on replay and I can't seem to break it."
I think that is enough for you to get the picture. I can write this now and share it without fear because this seems so far away from what I would write in my diary about today. I still have the same responsibilities, work and dreams but something has happened!!! Something really wonderful, I took responsibility for how I was thinking and feeling, for all my negativity, owned it and decided enough was enough ...
A few times last year I had been by my family doctor and she had worried that I was too stressed, probably depressed and in need of 'someone' to talk to. I was holding out because I came across Creatrix® online and had been watching before and after videos of women who were just like me and they had managed to breakthrough all their junk --- that is what my diary entry really is - all my junk! and I had hope that it could do the same for me. Part of me kept saying this looks too good to be true, the other part was saying that there were just too many good reviews for it to be nothing. I was intrigued, hopeful, excited - I thought if I could break this negative spiral I am in than anything could be possible!
AND as it turns out, anything is possible and Just as well I wrote all that stuff down, because without it I was finding it hard to remember what it was that I used to feel. Seriously! and not so seriously... because truly since Creatrix® I have laughed in a way I have not laughed since I was like 16!
I now have the tools, the know how, the mission and the passion to change women's stories and their lives. I know I am not the only woman who has a diary entry somewhere like my one above, and if I am talking to you today I would really encourage you to get in touch with me, book a free session and together we will get rid of all that JUNK!